Compliments that aren't compliments
Photo / Jens Johnsson
Last edited: 3/6/2020
While on a date a few weeks ago I was bestowed a trashy “compliment.” My date began by listing what he liked about me, starting with my curly hair, my freckles, and, most important of all, how all these characteristics made me so exotic looking. He topped it off with a classy “I have never been with someone who looks as exotic as you.” Vomit.
There was to be no second date, but the interaction set me thinking of all the horrible compliments I received over the years as a woman of color (though an ethnically ambiguous WoC). Such words of admiration are usually just microagressions* masked as “affection,” given with such love I’m supposed to find them…what, less insulting?
Inspired by my not-so-great date, I compiled a list to share with you all of the truly atrocious words of affection I have received. If you've said these to anyone, you should probably stop. If you've had these things said to you, then I empathize.
The Best Microagressions Masked as Compliments I’ve ever Received:
“ Are you a half breed? You’re so pretty.”
“Where are you from? No way. There’s no way you’re from here. You don’t look like anyone here.”
“What are you?”
“I’ve never been with a black girl before.”
“But you don’t look black/But you don’t act black. ”
“I love your hair”
“Mixed babies are the cutest babies, which explains why you’re so pretty.”
Francesca Ramsey does a great bit explaining the fetishizing of “mixed babies” here.
“You’re prettier than [insert another woman’s name here].”
My thoughts on the matter
Granted, I do not believe the majority of these words came from a hateful place. As I mentioned before, these compliments are microagressions, most people are unaware of the weight such words can hold. If you have more compliments-that-aren’t-compliments to add to this list by all means please share in the comments below.
- G R A C E
*For those unfamiliar with the term, microagressions are a casual, often unconscious, degradation of a marginalized group, more info here.